Cartoon shows joyful mom standing, holding a baby on the left. Man and woman standing on the right next to a small table with a cocktail on it looking askance at the happy mom. Banner above reads “Childfree Society,” logo of a happy baby face with a “NO” circle and slash over it. Mom says, “Doesn’t anyone want to hold my angel?” Caption reads, “Marcia was at the Wrong
Meeting.”

Some years ago, my friend and her baby daughter joined me for a visit to Denver’s historic Lakeside Amusement Park. It didn’t occur to me to offer help with the baby in any way since I was oblivious and thoughtless. My friend said she needed to stop in the restroom and she turned to me, and with a smile, thrust her baby into my arms.  My headed almost exploded.  I was pretty sure the child would not survive this encounter.  Or me.

I fumbled with the infant as my friend turned on her heel and walked away. Since I was a woman who probably looked to her like a grandma, all her mommy instincts told her it was 1. Fine to trust me and 2. I would enjoy this. I spent the 4 minutes outside the bathroom saying, “Hi, baby, hi baby,” a few times, and looking around me for a back-up caretaker in case I blacked out.  All was well and the mother retrieved the child, looking, I thought, disappointed that I didn’t say something like, “Oh, I’ll hold on to her awhile.”

I think I’ve changed just a bit and would do better in this situation if it happens again.  I might not feel instinctive baby-love in my soul, but I value my friends more than ever. 

My kind of Baby Love!

Imagine this song is being sung to you by a library book.

I thought that Baby on Board signs disappeared at some point in a pile of shoulder pads. Alas, no.

I know, of course, that Baby on Board signs are designed to encourage cautious driving. But the sign just makes me think about the Baby. Why can’t I actually see the Baby through the window? If the Baby is not currently On Board, should they turn the sign around? Is the Baby no longer a Baby and the parents forgot about the sign?

Wait. Is the Baby driving?

I’m not convinced these signs make me more cautious.

I think the baby WAS driving Jonathan’s car.

I met a young woman sitting at a party with a baby in her arms who started our conversation by asking (and this is totally true,) “How many children do you have?” When I smiled, made the zero sign with my hand, and said “Zilch,” she put her hand on my arm and said, “That is so sad.” I swear she had tears in her eyes. “I’m…ok,” I said. But she sadly shook her head. In her mind, I am living a tragedy.

I can live with that.

My favorite kind of kids. Over age 20.